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February 05, 2006
saddest
tonite we played in berlin @ tacheles.
very nice.
the shows have been well attended and we're playing well.
it's all fine.
last nite in hamburg we stayed out very late @ tomte's record release party.
sweet.
it is definitely different here. by the time i left, there were 8 or 10 people asleep on couches upstairs and no one was trying to kick them out. and the german dance party was in serious effect into the wee hours of the nite.
but,
i must confess. i am sad. sadder than i can ever remember being. even though such great things are happening for the band right now, my personal life is heavier than ever.
in the week before christmas, i found out my dad has pancreatic cancer.
and i became single again.
i am so confused and scared and angry and sad and all of it.
i don't even know how to sort it all out now.
being on tour, i am distracted, but in the quiet moments, like now, it hits me like a jackhammer.
my heart aches.
it is 1:30 am.
i sit in the lobby of a hostel in berlin watching people watch the super bowl.
life is hard.
my mother said in an email that all of this is too much for a young heart to bear,
but i think that there is nothing the heart can't bear.
you deal with what you have to.
and that is what i'll do.
i love my father.
gg
Posted by goldengram at February 5, 2006 04:27 PM
Comments
And your father loves you! See you soon.
Yog elscar dai,
Mom
Posted by: Mom at February 7, 2006 03:31 PM